Break on Through

This week on “The Vampire Diaries” we start out with Alaric heading in for an MRI. The Psycho Doctor tells Elena that this  supernatural ring that allows Alaric to be murdered, all too often by Damon, and awake with a slightly sore body his only ailment is no match for her medical degree. While in what I like to call the Tube-O-Torture (An MRI would surely send me into cardiac arrest) Alaric sees his reflection flirting with him. This evokes some heavy breathing. Is he hot and bothered by himself, or just scared? Psycho Doctor asks him to please stop undressing himself with his eyes and he complies. Doc can’t find anything wrong with him, obviously. They have killed off every other one of Elena’s care givers, only makes sense to make this one a psycho murderer. Damon comes to pick up Alaric and have his daily Who-Loves-Who-But-Channels-That-Love-To-Stephan-More fight with Elena. Bonnie’s mommy cries that she can’t feel her garden, and Caroline is all “uhh… you reach out and touch it, duhh.” While Damon takes Alarick to a bridge building party and tells him to put a smile on that face, the show must go on even though he is a “accidental psycho killer.” Yes, when he said those words it made my life complete too. When asked if he brought the bridge party sign Rick answers with, no, I’m an “accidental psycho killer” had a few more important things on my mind… ya know like accidentally killing people, like a psycho. Yes, I am going to reference that line for the rest of this recap so brace your faces now. Back at the Salvator abode, Elena goes walking in all willy nilly, only to find Stephan about to sit down to a drink. It wasn’t vodka in his glass ladies and gents. Stephan proceeds to tell Elena an inspiring and hopeful tale about suicide, and how Rick is doomed. She doesn’t like this very much, obviously. So, she tells him to get back to his O negative and leaves the house. Damon stumbles upon an old friend, Sage, who possibly hates Rebecca as much as Elena and myself combined. YAY, Sage! They decide to get into Rebecca’s head to find out what her plan is, because she is bad, therefore, always has a plan. I have a strong suspicion this will involve Damon seducing her for more “hate sex.” This is extremely disappointing because the first time I had to witness it, I threw up trolls because my insides were that angry. I can only imagine what round two is going to do to my digestion. Elena decides that if Psycho Doctor can’t help her, then she shall enlist the help of Bonnie, who is still pissed off at Elena for inadvertently ruining her life. I love Caroline, she can be such a Meany but, say it in the high pitched voice that makes everything sound like rainbows and butterflies. She convinces Jamie to come acknowledge Abby’s presence. When  Bonnie sees him she’s all, Caroline took out her Pompoms’ and beat you didn’t she, get used to it. And, what was that between Bonnie and Jamie? The beginning of a spark, maybe? They aren’t technically related, but it still makes me uncomfortable, and I like it. Jamie ventures in to see Abby. Now, this is the first human she has come into contact with that wasn’t a witch since she turned, right? So, why was there not a soul monitoring the encounter? Imagine that, Abby gets her a taste of Jamie. A young vampire who bites a human, who would have thought. Meanwhile, that seduction I was afraid of is happening and I’m puking trolls again. Those trolls look at my TV, and themselves puke trolls. When we cut to Damon laying in bed next to a sleeping Rebecca, my troll friends and I begin to gouge our eyes out in hope to erase the memories. Sage comes in and shows Damon that Rebecca is looking for another tree that is the same type of wood to kill the Originals. By this point I am scrambling to replace my eyes in time to watch Damon walk around in a towel. He knows what the tree was used to build. The Wickery Bridge. The two make a deal: He won’t use the White oak against her Original Loverboy as long as she helps him kill Rebecca. Red Flags are going off in my head when Sage agrees. The Originals are connected, and she must know this. But, all coherent thinking is forgotten by the perfectly sculpted body that is Ian Somerhalder. Elena sets off to get Ricks wedding ring so that Bonnie can, begrudgedly, try to help him. The phone conversation they had was very civil. However, Bonnie’s eyes were yelling “I hate that everyone loves you so much! Even me!” and Elena’s are all “Girl, don’t be jealous that people like me better!” While looking for the ring Elena finds Stefan lounging against walls like the Salvators do. She does the whole “I know you don’t want to be around me” thing girls do when they just are trying to manipulate you into saying “I do want to be around you!” Then he proceeds to tell her how Rick doesn’t have to be wearing the ring to go “accidental psycho killer.” At about this time, Rick is strolling over to take his psychopathic killing tendencies out on the Doctor. She tries to escape. But, as in all scenes with a victim running from a murderer she runs upstairs. She is literally two steps from the front door. Running out into the safety of public, or a car to make a getaway. But, instead, she takes to the stairs and locks herself in the only bathroom I have ever seen that has THREE DOORS! Maybe I’m crazy. But, if I am running for my life I am not going to pick the room with multiple opportunities for the killer to enter. Finally, Elena and Stefan arrive to save the day. The bathroom is covered in Doc’s blood. Stefan walks in and his eyes do that creepy veiny thing they do before he attacks. Just when you think all hope is lost, Stephan busts out the “Just kidding! I’m not going to eat you… today.” Then he proceeds to, ironically, save the doctors life. At this point the littlest troll in the front has initiated a slow clap for him, not going to lie, I joined in. Then of course, come the sad scenes. Because, after all, this show is never over until it provokes tears from my eyes at least once. Bonnie and Elena kiss and make up, just about the time that Abby decides to leave. No matter how hard Caroline beats her with her Pompoms’ Abby is resolved. Later that evening, Stefan is having a drink to toast his success in control, but more importantly impressing Elena, when Damon walks in way to happy after the deeds he preformed earlier. It turns out, Sage wasn’t fooled by Damon’s deal and crossed him, helping Rebecca set fire to the White Oak. Damon said some spiteful things, then came home to show his brother the Wickery Bridge sign… Made of White Oak. The two share one of those sadistic brotherly love moments. Now my heart is smiling at the thought of what these two perfectly chizzled jaws will be doing on my TV next week. Thanks for reading!

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Kaylee Willyard

My name is Kaylee Willyard, 19. I am a Film Student from Auburndale Florida... but since no one outside of the 528 that populate that town know of its existence, lets just say Orlando. My guilty pleasure consists of all things deceitful, yet corny and uncomfortable. Music makes the world go round. I love coffee WAY too much, and Doritos Locos Tacos makes my heart smile.Read Full
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